CASUALTY AT BREWERY

WITT’S END, N.C. — The first casualty in the one-hundred forty year history of Witt’s End Brewery occurred yesterday at 3 p.m. According to owner Witt Armbruster IV, Frank Lenore was taste-testing a batch of beer when he fell into the vat and drowned.

Witt was obviously distraught when he contacted the Almanak to report the news. He had just left Lacy Lenore who, when told of her husband’s passing, was inconsolable. “There really is nothing you can say,” said Witt.

As Witt was leaving, Mrs. Lenore grabbed him by the sleeve and asked, “Was there any pain?” He responded, “I don’t believe so since he crawled out three times to pee.”

Buncombe County coroner, Dr. Ralph Kitchen, after completing his autopsy, contacted McHenry”s Funeral Home. He informed them that the body would not require embalming. Furthermore, due to rigor mortis, it is doubtful whether the mortician’s will be able to wipe the smile off Frank’s face.

The family is asking any donations in the name of Franklin J. Lenore be sent to Bunkum County Master Brewers Association.