WEATHER ALMANAK

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TURNIP HOLE, N.C. — My new quarterly assignment here at the Almanak is to stop by Rodney Devine’s place out on Old Plank Road. Around these parts he’s recognized as the authority when it comes to forecasting the weather. Yesterday morning I drove out to his farm. I found him out behind the house rooting through his shed. He was having a few choice words with the junk that had accumulated, so I leaned against a fence post and listened.

   Our readership here at the Almamak is a small group of loyalists who believe in the bunkum of former Buncombe District Congressman Felix Walker. In 1820 after weeks of debate, the House of Representatives was about to vote on the Missouri Compromise. The Hon. Mr. Walker aka “Old Oil Jug,” whose vocal cords had long since required frequent lubrication, unceremoniously took the floor. He was mocked unmercifully. His limitless capacity for rambling on about nothing of consequence had finally worn thin. Ignoring his colleagues insults, Mr. Walker forged ahead, speaking not to them but to “Buncombe.” His actions cemented his reputation as a buffoon, so much so the words bunkum, bunk and debunk have entered the language.

    It is the contention of Bunkumites that Mr. Walker’s nonsense made and still makes sense, especially within a system which grows increasingly preposterous. With subtle humor, he exposed a flawed system to those who were too entrenched within it to grasp their own absurdity. We proudly perpetuate his legacy by covering today’s “news” in the same fashion. We invite you to join us. (Subscribe)